Total Waaagh! – Part 1

The boundary between reality and the Warp shivered and bulged before, with a flatulent squelch, tearing itself open. Like a goblet of phlegm coughed up by the green gods themselves the space hulk Wurldbreaka tore free of the immaterium and thundered back into real space. Cut off from their natural home, the daemons which had been attacking the ship began to collapse, wailing and giggling, their unnatural forms crushed by the uncaring hand of harsh physics. Down in the bowels of his ship Mad-Boss Murdakk da Mighty put aside his favourite shoota, giving a last idle kick towards the dissolving carcass of a thing with many eyes and wings which had, until a moment before, been trying to tear off his face with it’s many suckered hands.

“Roight!” he said to no-one in particular, “Let’s find out where we are den!”. All around the ship still echoed to the sounds of wailing grots, decompressing metal and the sudden cracks and bangs as overenthusiastic boys fired a last few shots at dying daemons or their slower and duller-witted mates. Murdakk smiled contentedly to himself. He’d heard that the Imperium, cowardly gits that they were, used a thing called a Geller Field when transversing the Warp in order to keep their ships from being overrun by the howling creatures of Chaos. “Sounds roight borin’ to me”, he muttered, “Gettin’ to fight dose weird gits is da best part of space travel. No wonder humies are weak”.

He turned to Bashem, his second in command. Bashem had all the qualities Murdakk liked in a first officer – being both hard of thinking and an expert in the field of shouting.

“Let’s get to da bridge, find out where we are. I’ve got a good feelin’ about this one!”

+++

“Kaptain on da bridge!” yelled Flickit the grot, smirking to himself as he spotted the predicament of Bugelit, the Mad Boss’s personal grot-herald. Caught quite literally with his pants down, Bugelit hopped desperately back from the drops and reached his station just in time to burst into a rousing chorus of Murdakk’s famous anthem. “Mad-boss, Mad-boss, whatcha going to do? Whatcha going to do when he yurk…”.

“Shaddap,” Murdakk muttered, squashing the little grot flat with one armoured boot. “You”, he jabbed a finger at Flickit, “New Bugelit. Clean dat up!”. Parking his massive bulk in the Kaptain’s chair he growled “Get sensors online”. At once a fearful grot scurried to throw open the shutters and allow the assembled orks to see out through the window.

“Enhance da image”. Obligingly a mob of sweating grots pushed the Mad-Boss closer to the window.

Ahead lay a planet shrouded in dark clouds of filthy smog, the atmosphere occasionally lit by flashes of green lighting. Looking straight down from their vantage-point in the heavens the Orks could see a city directly beneath them, it’s rusty towers emerging from leaning mounds of junk, it’s outer walls ringed by roadways littered with burned out wrecks and its scrap-lined streets busy with the distant figures of thousands of orks.

“I fort so”, the big ork growled. “I’d recognise dat pit anywhere! New Ork Leans! We’re back boys!”

“Fort you said we wur goin’ where da best fightin’ is?” said Furst Mate Bashem uncertainly. Murdakk treated his old buddy to his friendliest scowl. “Don’t you worry mate”, he declared, “We’ve found it!”

Well here we are, another year older and not a bit wiser and it’s time once again for Orktober and my now annual Ork painting challenge vs fellow blogger and all-round top-bloke the Imperial Rebel Ork. IRO has already been hard at work putting together his awesome kitbashes, including laying the foundations of the great greenskin fortress known as New Ork Leans. Meanwhile I’ll be trying to clear my way through more of the heap of unpainted models that have been gathering dust on and around my painting desk. Some of my unpainted orks date back more than a decade so for now the focus of my efforts has switched from “Convert or Die” to “Clear The Backlog or Else!”. Last year I battered through 37 greenskins of various shapes and sizes (and bizarrely enough, so did IRO).

Orctober Orks Orcs Greenskins Warhammer Wudugast ConvertOrDie (2)

This year I’m aiming to focus on my Warhammer 40k Ork army, although there might be the odd fantasy Orc sneaking in here and there. I’ve been working on this army since the mid-2000s, they were my first 40k army and they’re still probably my favourite faction. Of course a side-effect of this is that there’s a lot of models that have fallen by the wayside and never got the paint they deserved. A month or so IRO posted an inventory of all his Orks so far, which inspired me to look back and do the same thing. Here’s the total fighting strength of my Murda Boyz after almost two decades of recruiting.

1 Warboss

2 Big Meks In Mega Armour

1 Weirdboy

Ghazghkull Thraka (and Makari of course)

105 Ork Boys

22 Gretchin

2 Runt herds

2 Painboys

7 Burna Boys

5 Lootas

16 Nobs

4 Meganobs

5 Stormboyz (although these really need repainted and rebased)

1 Nob riding on a Smasha Squig

3 Deffcoptas

1 Truck

1 Lobba (plus crew)

1 Deffdread

Total – 181 angry futuristic green gits

So what am I planning to paint over the coming month? Well, Orks mainly – I’ve dug out all the stuff I’ve assembled but never got around to painting and its a pretty sizable heap of gits; mostly infantry but also some vehicles, kans and bits of scenery. I don’t want to box myself in by committing to too many specifics but one model I will definitely be aiming to paint is this guy; Boss Snikrot.

Boss Snikrot

I loved the background for him when I bought my first Ork codex, and loved the model even more when it was eventually released. I pre-ordered it with my (at the time very limited) funds and so its somewhat embarrassing that I never painted it. If this is the only model I complete this month I’m calling it a win (IRO may of course argue that this isn’t enough in to count as a win in and of itself and I still need to actually paint more models than him – don’t listen to him!).

That said, even Orks must adhere to the rules of war and this year we’ve structured things a little differently to make sure this cut-throat competition is as sporting as we can manage. Here’s IRO himself to explain how it all works.

This year, after much behind the scenes squabbling, long nights pondering over ancient scriptures and scrolls, debating with scholars and military tacticians we have come up with a new set of rules. 

Last year, quite simply, it was one model = one point. 

This year, still quite simple really, the point scoring system is as follows: 

One greenskin (grot, stormboy, nob etc) = one point 

One vehicle (buggy, trukk, Deff dredd etc) = two points 

One terrain piece (scatter terrain, tower etc) = three points

Anyway, needless to say I’m dead excited about Orks right now, and that’s been translating into a desire to paint something green and mean. On the other hand I wanted so save my Orks for Orktober (somewhat counter-intuitively because the aim is to get my backlog painted not leave it sitting there but go with me here). Instead I wanted to paint something Orky, something that would fit into my Ork army, but not something that I could paint a few days from now and count towards the contest. What a conundrum eh! Luckily I knew exactly which model would fit the bill – a mean little git who’s most definitely not an Ork, in fact he’s a thorn in the side of Orks everywhere; da Red Gobbo.

Da Red Gobbo first appeared back in 1998 where he led the Gretchin Revolutionary Committee in the game Gorkamorka, his goal nothing less than throwing off the shackles of oppression for gretchin everywhere, raising the flag of revolution in every Ork camp and putting the bigger greenskins in their place once and for all. He returned with a limited edition model for Christmas 2020 (which I chose not to buy, feeling it was bit on the pricey side) and another for Christmas 2021 which I caved and snapped up.

Da Red Gobbo Official

I remember when he was announced enjoying a quiet chuckle at the forced controversy that sprang up online, especially in those parts of the internet where people refuse to just enjoy themselves. Either he was very offensive because he mocks Communism (something that must never be the butt of a joke comrade – workers of the world unite!) or he was very offensive because he mocks Communism (something which is no laughing matter – even to mention it without caveats about how dreadful it is places us on a short, slippery slope that ends in a Stalinist purge). Anyway, I think he’s pretty cool. Check this detail out for instance. This is the inside of the squig’s stomach.

Bounca Innards

That’s right, the sculptor has taken the time to add the various baubles that the greedy squig has eaten, even though no-one will ever see them on the painted model. That’s attention to detail! The one thing I’m not keen on about him is the Christmas theme – that’s a joke that only works on one day of the year and the Gretchin Revolution is for life not just for Christmas. I trimmed away all the Christmas elements, painted him in a more restrained style, and ended up with this. Vive la révolution!

Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (1)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (2)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (3)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (4)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (5)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (6)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (7)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (8)Wudugast Da Red Gobbo Ork 40k (9)

Anyway, dat’s enough rabbitin’ on from me for one day – tomorrow we go to WAAAGH!


25 responses to “Total Waaagh! – Part 1

  • John@justneedsvarnish

    That is just such a brilliant mini! 🙂 Works really well now it’s been de-Christmastised!

  • Alex

    Fab job mate, never seen this model de-Christmassed, but it looks so much better!

  • imperialrebelork

    Awesome post and it’s whet my appetite even more for some Orky painting. I love the little story at the beginning. Please write more! Great work on the mini mate. He looks amazing and the baubles made me chuckle. Who knew that GW had a sense of humour haha. Can’t wait to see all the greenskin goodness you provide us with through Orktober.

    ps I thought it was 39 minis each last year but I’ll go with what you think because my memory is going. Now… where did I put my trousers…?

    • Wudugast

      Cheers dude! I really enjoyed doing the story, so hopefully there’ll be something happens through the month that inspires me to write some more. I’m keeping a close eye on the building of New Orkleans for any narrative hooks to play with. Shame you didn’t call it New Ork in the end, then I could have named the story “Escape from New Ork”!

      ps: you gone out without your trousers on again mate? Definitely 37 each last year – and no I can’t remember that far back either – I had to go and check our blogs. Good thing we write these things down isn’t it! 😀

  • Faust

    [Reporter Voice] Wudu! Hey Wudu! Your fans are wondering what you have up your sleeves this year?! They heard rumors that IRO is building a whole Ork town!! And terrain is worth 3pts apiece in the new rules! There has been much wringing of hands, pulling of hair, and other bouts of self flagellation!! Wait, don’t roar off in your Gorkamorka cycle!! WUDU!![/end] Competition is looking fierce this year! Though I think if you paint up that awesome Ork Boss, you should get 3pts just on the coolness factor! Myself, I’ve a small unit of Orcs primed, but can’t settle on the skin color (spoiler: it won’t be green!) . Not looking good at even completing 1, with all the other stuff I’ve already started. The work on your Squig rider turned out sweet. I liked the Christmas one, but that will fit better in a lot of scenarios!

    • Wudugast

      Well, between you and me, I’ve got quite a lot of money riding on IRO to win this year. Have you seen that Ork town? Simply outstanding! *looks suspiciously at microphone* Hey, that thing isn’t switched on is it?

      Ah come on, you’ve got to get those orcs painted – it’s Orctober – there’s no better time. Have you thought about blue grey, greeny grey, off-white or brown for the skin? The orcs in the Lord of the Rings films for instance looked amazing and none of them were really green – certainly not the hulk-ish look GW uses. You get them done and I’ll paint Snikrot at last – deal?

      • Faust

        Actually everyone wins, because we all get to see the cool results!

        For the Orc skin, I was thinking a blue-grey with green highlights. I tried a few swatches, but none of them turned out like I thought. The LotR Rings Orcs is pretty close to what I had in mind. That’s a good call, I’ll see if there are any recipes for painting them online and I can modify accordingly. Thanks mate’

  • Pete S/ SP

    Good luck in this upcoming month.

    Cheers,

    Pete.

  • Kuribo

    There’s no doubt that that Gobbo is a Commie! 😀 I do like that mini and I like GW making seasonal minis. I never end buying them but I’m sure they could tempt me with future sculpts if they make enough of them. This guy is a great conversion and painted in the usual Wudu house style I see too 😀

    • Wudugast

      Since you said this, thanks entirely to the strange way in which my brain works, I’ve been singing “The gobbo is a commie” to the tune of “the lady is a tramp”. I’m sure everyone who’s heard me would like to thank you… It’s also just occurred to me that the slogan of a commie gobbo would probably be “Red Ones Go Fasta!”. I’ll get my coat…

  • mellis1644

    Looking good and glad to hear you are another person who is older but no wiser. 🙂

  • Jenn

    Please, please do the world a favour and write an entire Ork novel!
    Brilliant, still have wondrous tears of laughter in my eyes.

    • Wudugast

      Cheers Jenn – really glad you enjoyed it! It was loads of fun to write and I’d like to return to it before the month is out and write another chapter – expect plenty more silliness to come!

  • lordcommandereloth

    Brill paint job, I’m amazed you managed to make it not Xmassy.
    I must also say your little story at the start was great had me giggling to myself!

  • Total Waaagh! – Part 2 | Convert or Die

    […] at a score of 5 in my contest against IRO (find our “rules”, such as they are, listed here). The coming week is looking pretty busy and I’m going to be working through this weekend so […]

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